Dealing with Difficult People

You might be wondering what this issue has to do with a blog on Parkinson’s, but if we believe that many of our physical symptoms are often a reflection of the state of our inner selves, we can see the importance of learning to deal with the areas of our lives that cause us stress, and very often people who treat us badly can be one of the biggest causes of depression, anxiety and anger in our lives. Negative energy manifests itself in illness and internalised anger is linked to trauma, addiction and many chronic illnesses; there is certainly no denying the relationship between stress and disease. So, rather than becoming spiteful victims or martyrs who allow these people to be an authority on our own self-worth, we need to learn how to deal with the oppressive gaze of those who constantly scrutinise or mistreat us. Send your critics and bullies some love, and then thank them for the wonderful lessons that they have taught you.

I need to add that we should not put ourselves on a lofty pedestal as though we are perfect; most of us have been difficult at some stage or another, and many of us will have hurt others, but there are some people who always seem to criticise and hurt others whilst completely ignoring their own flaws and failings, and they seem to have a total disregard for the pain that they inflict on others. It is only through the difficulties in life that we can really grow, and so choose to see difficult people as your teachers, and as a reminder on how not to treat others. Turn your wounds into wisdom…

Resentment is one of the most harmful emotions to harbour inside our bodies; it’s like a virus in a computer that takes over our every thought. So, how do we deal with those people who lie about us, try to shame us, make us feel unworthy or persistently attack us?

Try to recognise that they are not happy, they are struggling with their own worthiness and are merely transferring their issues onto you. Unhappy people project their own pain onto others, and they are actually shining a spotlight on their own insecurities, as do we when we hurt others.  When we judge others, we are not happy in our own lives, we need to feel superior because we actually feel so inferior, and we judge others based on the areas of our lives with which we are most unhappy.

Ask yourself why you are letting them bother you; don’t let them take away your happiness. Are you really going to beat yourself up because you are not perfect? Who is perfect? You should not be ashamed of weakness. Put an invisible energy field around yourself when you know that you have to interact with them, do not allow them to infiltrate it, and then just cut the cord! Also, you need to deal with the fact that they have triggered an insecurity in you that needs resolved, stop being so hard on yourself, you do not need to prove your worthiness to anyone, you are not a victim. No one is sent to you by accident, and maybe this is a sign that something within you needs to be fixed; the buttons that have been pushed need to be looked at.

Remove them from your life if possible, and don’t feel any guilt for preserving your sanity. Have minimal contact as much as you can, and mentally prepare yourself each time you have to meet them if this is not possible. You cannot change their behaviour, but you can change how you react to it.

Try not to demonise them; their bad behaviour does not give you a Hall Pass to get personal, you can disagree with someone and still treat them with respect. Exchange lower thoughts for higher ones and don’t mirror their poor behaviour.

Finally, forgive them! Yes, really! Try to understand that their behaviour is a cry for help; recognise that they need love. They may be jealous of your life and happiness, so send them compassion. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that their actions are acceptable, it merely means that you are stopping it controlling and consuming you. Forgive those who you feel don’t deserve it and especially those who haven’t asked for it; it’s easy to love those who treat us well, the real test is loving those who have been callous and cruel.  Hatred will only stand in the way of your own peace and serenity, and ultimately impact your health and wellbeing.

Remember, that learning to ignore things is the key to achieving inner peace, retrain your mind, and anything that costs you your serenity is just not worth it. Let it go…